Please one, disappoint the other.

At this very moment, I am on two teams. Fairfield Track Team. And Wasatch Soccer. These past (how long has track been going on?) weeks, I have been so stressed and overbooked. Track everyday, soccer 5 out of 7 days, and just various social activities. Last year, I was so much better at track than this year. I just can't run as fast. I can run longer, but not faster, so distance is out of the picture. Anyway, the coaches loved me last year. I could do the 400 in 1:11 and I hung out with all the... "Track Stars" even though I wasn't the best, I was good enough. This year I went in pretty much expecting that I would do the same. When my first time came out as 1:21 though, I got thouroughly disappointed in myself. The weird part is that I am in better shape than last year. My soccer coach then all the sudden decided to have soccer practice... Mondays 5-6, Wednesdays 6-7, Thursdays (game days), Fridays 6-7, and Saturdays (game days). Track ends at 5 on week days and 4 on Fridays. So for a week, I went from track to soccer everyday, and with other commitments, I wouldn't have any time for homework or anything until 8 or 9 every night. I was totally over doing it. Then the first track meet came. I had four events... I did all of them, and even after my last race (the medley) finished my race, took off my shoes, got a few comments from the coaches, and ran to my car while the rest of my team was finishing it up. Consequently, I didn't get to my soccer game until the beginning of the second half (40 minute halfs). My coach, who was pretty furious, didn't put me in until the last ten minutes.  I cried to myself on the side line because I very much wanted to go in. After the game, my dad ran into Home Depot. While he was doing his buisness in there... I called a very dear friend of mine. I told him about my track meet and game and how my coach punished for me being late, I asked for advice because I obviously couldn't be doing both even though I loved both very, very much. He asked which I was better at. Which was soccer, of course. I then told my soccer coach that I wouldn't be late again. I ended up getting kicked from three of my events. At the next track meet, I finished high jump, and found out that my medley team needed me. So, again I ran my race, and ran to the car. I made it to my game in time, and my coach played me the whole time and we won 5-0. Now, I don't qualify for the 400 anymore because I didn't try very hard for the second round of timings because I had decided I wanted to be more serious with soccer. The last track meet is coming up this Thursday, and I want more than anything to run more events. But, I also have a game that starts right in the middle of the track meet. Right now I am really stressing about it. Should I try to qualify again? What if I can't make it to the event if I do qualify? Now my soccer coach loves me again, and has gone back to starting me, but now I feel like I let down my track team. I can't wait until track is over.

And it all started because of a dream...

When I was little, my most terrifying fear was black dogs. And it all started because of a dream. I dreamt that I was in the basement of my old old (that is two houses old... if ya get me) house and these three huge dogs shattered the window, and started to relentlessly rip me apart. As I watched limbs fly, I actually felt pain. I woke up terrified. Throughout my childhood, I was deathly scared of black dogs. I have grown out of that, of course, but a theme has arose... my deeply fears are caused from experiences that I have in dreams. One that has stuck, is murderers. So the dream goes like this: I was home alone, watching the news (I wasn't in my house though...O.o) and this picture of a horredous woman came up "Murderer on the loose". This woman had eyes like steel, emotionless, cold, evil, and you could tell that she had caused pain, just from her eyes. I then heard the backdoor open. Thinking it was my parents, I stood up, happy as could be. To my dismay, the woman was standing there. A bag in her hand. I frantically reached for anything to fight her off... I took a firm grasp on the remote, and threw it at her head, missing by centimeters, she ran at me with a knife. Killing me.
Another, I am at a wedding in Yellowstone. I was walking over to this podium thing to give a speech, and all the sudden, the earth splits, and lava is splashing all over, seeing that I was probably doomed where I was, I jumped hoping to get to the other side. I missed my destination just by a few inches, again, falling to my death.
Yet another, I was in Mexico, and the ocean started to rise. Everyone else was running, but I felt that I could swim. While I was under the water, it lowered itself drastically, I hit my head, and, yes, you guessed it... DIED.
Here ya go again, I was trapped somewhere (can't remember) and since I am way claustrifobic, I ended up killing myself.
I also have "Hunger Game" like dreams, and I never can win. Never. I always die.
Sadly, in my dreams, as you can see, I always die. My friend (lucky her) always has the man of her dreams come and save her from her near fate. I am always the one determining it though. Like, I could have run away with the murderer, or the dogs. But, I stay for the fight and always end up loosing. After analyzing my dreams, and a few instances in my life, I have the "Fight" instinct in the "Fight or flight" thing. I think that is why I always die, because I never really stand a chance. Once, I was walking home from my one friend's house with my other friend. It was way dark, and I am deathly scared of the dark, all the sudden this dog comes out from the bushes barking and running at us. My friend sprints down the road, but I stop frozen, with clenched fists ready to fight, but still very close to fighting. It is always a thing with me. Sort of depressing knowing that I will die if I get in a situation like that. Hopefully they will be weak. If I ever encounter a bear, I will die. Ah, crap.

we are IMPACTED

Today I was writing my book review on Goodreads (Okay, okay, so maybe my life is so dismal that I do homework that isn't even due over spring break. But, who cares, right? He he,,, not me...) and I thought I was doing a spectacular job, I actually thought that it was some of my best writing. I had written like 4 paragraphs (long paragraphs, might I say) and I was getting into it, and was actually enjoying writing it, I thought it was way insightful..Whether anyone else would think the same is debatable, but anyway. I was listening to some Coldplay on youtube, and then I realized that it was preventing me from getting done with my review faster, so I went to delete that tab, and accidentally deleted all the tabs, resulting in a loss of all my book review. I was so mad! I can't believe that it didn't save anything! I think that an improvment is needed here! So I gave up, because it frustrated me so much. It was going to be my blog for this week. But because of the tragic loss of all my hardwork, this will have to do.
Once upon a long time ago, my science teacher said something in class. My science teacher isn't that exciting so I don't remember the lesson and don't recollect why he would have said such a thing that left such an impact on my life. (Okay, now that I am thinking about this, I don't exactly recall how he worded this, or how to word this at all, but let's give this a chot.....) Everything that you come in contact with has an impact on you, and ultimatly is what builds you up to be the person that you will be. The only reason that this has stuck with me is because he said "Like, Honors English students, they will be different than those who haven't read Great Expectations." I was like oh dang..thats me I am so cool. But the more that I have thought about it, the more it has intriged me. It has totally given me a new perspective on the world, and my life. It made me want to DO things. Doesn't it make you want to do the same? I want to travel, to Rome specifically, just to see things. (NERD ALERT FOR THE NEXT SENTENCE) I have actually been researching some things over the break. Did you know that whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta is actually bad for you, conflictive to prior beliefs? Yeah! Crazy, huh? I also went and got a tour of the Conference Center in SLC and when before I wouldn't have enjoyed going to tour a building that I have been in before, I actually learned a lot. It seats 21,000 people, and on the roof there is a garden, on the west side of the roof it looks like it would if you were in the Rockies; pine trees and such. On the east side, it looks like what it would have looked like if you were in the Oker (is that the right spelling?) mountains, more meadowy with flowers and things. It was gorgeous, and I ended up loving the tour. Our tour guide was German, and that was pretty cool. Something that I have been thinking too, is that even if you saw the exact same things as someone else, you would take them different. So everything is unique for you.
This was probably pretty boring for you to read, because it is pretty personal to me. But there are some things that I would like you to take out from reading this; NOW is the time to get out and do things. Get off your lazy butt and do something awesome. Have an impact on someone else. I love the signs that you see sometimes on the highway that say "unplug". If you haven't seen some, I do believe that there is one on I15, but I am not really sure. Also, nothing is going to be enjoyable unless you go into it with an attitude that it will be worth while and fun. So, maybe you should be nerdy once in a while! (: